Mr. Mom, the rewrite
February 8th, 2010
We recently watched the movie “Mr. Mom” at our house, and the boys didn’t get most of the jokes. When that movie was released nearly thirty years ago, it was such a rarity to have the dad at home with the kids, many of the “fish out of water” jokes were obviously funny. Now, it’s so commonplace, those same jokes don’t work.
Lots of dads stay at home with the kids, and lots of moms go to the office.
In fact, when my youngest son Sean was five or so, he told me that he wanted to be a mom when he grew up…so he could go out and get a job.
In the movie, however, the dad feels inadequate because he isn’t bringing home the bacon anymore. His friends feel sorry for him, and treat him like a loser. The moms in the neighborhood treat him like a pet, an oddity, a social experiment. He teaches them how to play poker. They teach him how to do things like cook and clean and take care of the kids. Because, you know, a man couldn’t possibly handle that. They also get him hooked on bonbons and soap operas, because, you know, that’s what wives do all day long.
I’ve been doing this job now for almost five years and I’ve never experienced anything remotely similar to that. There are several other dads around here in the same boat as me, and we seem to be handling all of our duties without the help (or pity) of the neighborhood ladies. I don’t watch soap operas, I don’t eat bon-bons, and my attempts at cooking, cleaning, and childcare have gone pretty well. Also, our kids don’t think it’s weird that I’m the one at home, and neither do the teachers at school, or our friends and neighbors. (Notice I didn’t mention relatives. My mom still think it’s a little weird, but she’s hard-core German).
There is one place, however, where I still run into this old school “Mr. Mom” phenomenon: At the doctor’s office.
I’m not sure why that is. There must be something about the sight of a father coming to a doctor’s office with a sick kid that sparks the mothering instincts of most women. I’ve seen women drop their own children to help me with mine. It’s very odd. Even my kids have noticed it.
“Why is she helping you, Dad?”
“To tell you the truth, I have no idea.”
And the nurses treat me like I’m a total moron. When we discuss inoculations, prescriptions or medical histories, they always, and I mean always ask me if I want to call my wife to double check. When I call the doctor’s office for advice, they actually ask me what my wife thought about the illness in question.
“Well, geez, you realize she’s not a doctor, right?”
What is going on here? Do I look like an unfeeling clod when I’m in the company of sick children? Am I describing symptoms like a health care novice? Is there a secret Mommy-Nurse language that nobody ever told me about? Is it a well known fact that men are incapable of handling illness?
I’ll be honest with you. It ticks me off.
And not just because they make me feel helpless or stupid. It’s mainly because, and believe me, it pains me to admit this…I usually do have to double check their medical histories with my wife, and my boys usually do prefer being with their mom (or even my mom) when they’re sick, and I usually do run all of the symptoms by my wife before I call the doctor’s office.
I just didn’t think it was that obvious.







