It’s a language that can be difficult to pick up. Unlike English, Teenage Boy doesn’t actually use full words or sentences. It’s more or less a series of grunts, groans, sighs, and instantaneous responses. Like English, often these mean different things in different situations.

I recently sat down with someone who speaks Teenage Boy fluently (my soon-to-be 14 year-old son Tommy) and asked him to help me compile a Teenage Boy/English dictionary. Tommy actually grew up speaking English, and with the help of an unusually sharp recall of his former language, he was able to confirm each of my translations with a grunt, groan or sigh.

Teenage Boy: (Rolling eyes)
English: “Mom or Dad is speaking.”

Teenage Boy: “WHAT?”
English: “Go away.”

Teenage Boy: Grunt (in the morning)
English: “Good Morning.”

Teenage Boy: Grunt (in the afternoon or evening)
English: “Go away.”

Teenage Boy: “Fine.” (in a monotone)
English: “I’m literally not giving any thought at all to the question you just asked me.”

Teenage Boy: “Fine.” (sneering tone of voice)
English: “Didn’t you hear what I just said? I’m not giving any thought at all to the question you just asked me.”

Teenage Boy: Smile
English: “I need a ride somewhere.”

Teenage Boy: Door slam
English: “I know you’re right, and that’s why I hate you right now.”

Teenage Boy: “NOW?”
English: “Will this unlawful servitude never end?”

Teenage Boy: “You always say that!”
English: (This is an involuntary instantaneous response to the English word “No.”)

Teenage Boy: “Yes.”
English: (This is an involuntary instantaneous response to the English phrase “Is your homework done?”)

Teenage Boy: “He (or she) is bothering me.”
English: “He (or she) is breathing.”

Teenage Boy: (to Parents) “You’re bothering me.”
English: “I can see you.”

That’s all I’ve actually heard or seen in Teenage Boy, but Tommy is only 14. I’m sure I’ll be adding to this dictionary as he gets older. I’m also working on the reverse translations.

When I asked Tommy to help me with translating Parent into Teenage Boy, he said: “Oh that’s easy. Say something in Parent, and I’ll translate it for you.”

“How are things going at school?” I asked.
“Blah blah blah,” he translated.

Then he smiled.

I think he needs a ride somewhere.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 6th, 2009 at 9:37 am and is filed under parent. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.