All three of my boys have iPods and listen to them as often as they can. Each iPod has a totally different kind of playlist.

Tommy likes 70s pop, but he also loves electronica like Kraftwerk, Orbital, and his own compositions (he’s probably written a few dozen songs on garage band, and they’re actually quite good).

Johnny’s more of a traditional classic rock kid–he likes the Beatles, the Who, and for some strange reason, Bryan Adams.

Sean, meanwhile, listens to whatever his big brothers loaded into his iPod. It’s an incredibly strange mix of Tommy’s favorites and Johnny’s favorites. The other day after he turned off his iPod, he asked me a question.

“Dad, how old are the Beach Boys?”

“Probably around 70,” I answered.

“Whoa. That’s older than Oma (his grandmother)!”

“I know.”

“Why do they call themselves ‘Beach Boys?’”

It’s a good question. Previous generations didn’t have to deal with this problem. A generation ago, when a 60 or 70 or 80 year old man was rocking, it was in a chair. Now, it’s on a stage with an electric guitar.

“Boys” should not be pushing 70. If they revised their name slightly, to say the Seaside Shuffleboarders, the expectations would be completely different.

When they perform as the Beach Boys, they’re likely to hear: “Whoa, those dudes are old.”

When they perform as The Seaside Shuffleboarders, they’re likely to hear: “Whoa, those old dudes can still rock. Rock on, old dudes!”

See how much better that is?

Sean is right. The Beach Boys need a new name. But they aren’t alone. That’s why I’m offering the following new band names free of charge for the bands listed below.

The Replacements—The Hip Replacements
The Rolling Stones—The Gall Stones
Sly and the Famly Stone—Sly and the Kidney Stone
The Four Tops—The Quadruple Bypass
The OJays—The Ben Gays
ABBA—AARP
Country Joe & The Fish—Old Country Buffet & the All-You-Can-Eat Fish Fry

These “old dudes” in these “rebranded” bands will be considered young for their age if they take my advice. It’s never too late to fix a lack of foresight.

Not every band is as smart as The Electric Prunes, The Grateful Dead, Gerry & the Pacemakers, The Kinks, or Limp Bizkit. They knew they would have to live with their names for a long time and planned ahead.

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