I have this problem.
I can’t stop eating. Why does food have to taste so good? Why do I have this incredible love for all things graham cracker? And all things ice cream? All things food? Just the fact that I wrote the words “graham cracker” make me want to get up and eat graham crackers. And not just one but more like ten.
After I lost the twins, I can remember thinking how angry I was that now I had to worry about losing weight and honestly? I’m still pretty angry about it. But what’s interesting how my life right now is that I have this intense desire to snack at all time. And what’s even more interesting is that before getting pregnant and during the pregnancy, I never snack. Never. It was a habit I broke way back in 2006 when I lost all of my weight. And here I am, snacking, watching my waistline grow.
So, why am I snacking? Am I feeding my grief? Am I hiding behind cookies to hide my anxieties? Are one of the eighteen different medications I’m on causing me to eat more? Is my Hashimotos out of control again? I don’t know, but I do know, I need to lose weight.
At least I should lose weight because my niece is getting married in a few weeks and I am her matron of honor and well, is there anything worse than being in a wedding where you do not feel good about yourself? And then you have pictures to look at for the rest of your life where all you do is look at your thick arms, double chins and massive belly? I know we are most critical of ourselves, but there are pictures of me that I do like and all of them are when I was thin.
And then I look at those pictures and I remember how hard it was for me to lose weight, I measured my food, I counted points, I went to meetings, I ate healthier, I worked out five times a week and you know? I loved it. I felt great. I looked great. I was proud of myself and it was the best feeling.
So, let’s recap, shall we? In 2006, I watched what I ate, I exercised and I felt amazing. In May of 2008, I snack all of the time, I do not plan meals and I don’t exercise and I feel like crap.
It seems so easy. But why is it so hard?
May 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Oh, I think we all know totally what you mean. I think the same things- how much energy I have and how good I look when I actually exercise. But I’m too tired and busy snacking to exercise…
Steph
May 29th, 2008 at 11:16 am
If you can figure out the answer to that question, please let me know. I have felt the wonderous high of losing weight, exercising, feeling fit. That is far, far from where I am now. I know what needs to be done, but for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to do it. I want to eat ALL DAY LONG, and I have no idea why. *sigh* Good luck to you. At least you do have a good excuse. I ams ure that it’s your grief. I think you need to just be very, very gentle to yourself right now. xoxo Stacey
May 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am
It does seem easy, but when emotions come into play, it suddenly becomes very hard.
I just found a photo of myself with my family and I wondered who the skinny girl was, it was me in 2005. I too watched everything I ate, worked out with a personal trainer and I was smokin’.
Now? The exact opposite.
So, as soon as you figure out the secret to motivation, please share.
or is a competition needed???
May 29th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I’m feeling the same way right now. For lunch yesterday, I finished off a jar of Peanut Butter. Seriously?
Part of it for me is that I just don’t want to think about it. I’m so tired during the day that I don’t want to have to worry about portion sizes and finding time to exercise. Solutions are easy…Practical application not so much.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I so remember that journey in 2006. Remember? I was on it with you. It was a freaking contest and every week you beat me. And every week I was more motivated to beat you. I lost 45 pounds. And even after having a baby, I’m still only about 8 pounds away from my low. But I still have 25 to lose. Wanna do it again with me? Should we? Can we?
May 29th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I am watching my weight. I am watching it skyrocket. 20 pounds since April 15th. Damn. Why does this make me simply want to curl up and die. I had to move all my skinny clothes out of the closet. Damn.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Hey Im up for a weight loss contest! Lets all get motivated together.
May 29th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Beth, I know how hard it is too. With my third pregnancy, it just was so much harder. I agonized as you are for a long long time and I was stuck in a rut because of other emotional things. It takes time and patience. Cutting out sugar really cut a lot of cravings for me.
You are going through a lot right now, and treating yourself right would probably help you feel better, but even so, you need to be patient with yourself. hugs.
June 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
It’s like we’re so stressed that food is the one thing we say “no, THIS I will do MY way” and then we don’t notice that we are actually NOT in control after all, but being controlled by the stress and the food and the cravings. Self control is a bizznitch.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm
It has taken every bit of will power I posses not to eat the poptarts I bought the rest of the family. I could eat stuff like that, animal crackers, whatever..all day long. It is SO hard to make this change. I worry it won’t be forever, but it has to be for now. I am down almost 40lbs in 3.5 months, so I really have to advocate low carb, if an option with thyroid issues..I don’t know. It has worked for me. I lost 70 when I was about 22 and slowly gained it all back plus more. I did well for the first 2-3 years…but if I cheat just once it makes me remember what I am missing and continue to justify eating badly.
I feel ya. I am there too.
June 5th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I think we are all capable to of losing but I too am in your boat, we can do it! I have faith that you can lose and get healthy. I have faith that I can do it too! If you need a blogger buddy to keep you inline I volunteer!+ )
Leave a Reply