I woke up yesterday morning, and was instantly depressed when I remembered that it was the last day of Spring Break.

Oh, and it was violently snowing.

Me: “Really, weather? Is this your idea of hilarious?”

Weather: “Almost as hilarious as your *cough* alleged To-Do List.”

Me: “Okay, you made your point.”

Flash back a week:

My teens had Spring Break coming up, so I decided to take a few days of vacation at the same time so they wouldn’t be trapped at home with nothing to do. This was going to be AWESOME. Not only was I going to spend quality time with the kids, but I would be able to get to some of those projects that I had been putting off for the entire winter (and maybe the year before that, but who’s really keeping track?). Oh, I was going to clean out drawers, closets and cupboards. I was going to go through all of my paperwork, balance the checkbook and pay all of the household bills. I was going to work out, plan and shop for healthy dinners, walk the dog every day, and catch up on my ironing (which consisted of 18 wrinkled male dress shirts at last count…). I was even going to UPDATE MY BLOG (I know, right?).

Well, by the last day of break, I finally got around to actually making the To-Do List. By last night at 10 p.m., the only item that was crossed off the list was “1. Shave legs.”

Where the heck did all of that glorious time go?

Well, I admit that I went off-list a couple of times, and substituted the following tasks:

1. I transported the children to: the orthodontist, piano lessons, driver’s ed, taekwondo, the library (twice), the mall (twice), a study session, confirmation class, a tournament, Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Blockbuster Video (twice), and a friend’s house (twice).

2. My daughter and I re-imagined the lyrics to the entire soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar. Our new version, Danny Gokey Superstar, is based on American Idol’s deification of the saintly and overrated contestant from Milwaukee, and casts polarizing bad boy Adam Lambert in the Judas role and the Top 12 as the disciples. Seriously, if you’re a fan of both American Idol and Jesus Christ Superstar, try it yourself–it’s eerily intuitive. (If you’re not a fan, do yourself a favor, and skip to number 3.)

SAMPLE LYRICS (and I’m only changing a few words…):

ANOOP: “What then to do about Danny of Wisconsin?
Miracle wonderman, hero of fools.”

MATT G.: “No riots, no army, no fighting, no slogans.”

SCOTT: “One thing I’ll say for him — Danny is cool.”

KRIS: “We dare not leave him to his own devices.
His half-witted fans will get out of control.”

SIMON, PAULA, RANDY, KARA: “But how can we stop him?
His glamour increases
By leaps every moment; he’s top of the poll.”

LIL ROUNDS: “I see bad things arising.
The crowd crown him Idol; which the judges would ban.
I see blood and destruction,
Our elimination because of one man.
Blood and destruction because of one man.”

ALL: “Because, because, because of one man.
Our elimination because of one man.”

AND, for the Group Song at the beginning:

“Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking with these rabid fans of mine.
Don’t disturb me now, I can see the answers
‘Till this evening’s elimination, life is fine.
Always hoped that I would be an Idol.
Knew that I would make it if I tried.
Then when the season’s done, we can go on iTunes,
So they’ll still talk about us when we’ve cried.”

[Okay, I'll stop now. Sorry.]

3. I threw a Sweet Sixteen birthday sleepover for my daughter. This included baking a white cake (which involves SEPARATING EGGS, people!) with pink frosting, and staying holed upstairs in my bedroom for 18 hours while the girls took over the main floor.

4. Our plasma flat-screen TV caught on fire. With actual smoke. And hissing. This may not seem like a time-consuming project, but we had to expend a lot of energy on grieving, calling a repair person, grieving, bringing a small TV from the basement upstairs, setting it up on a card table in the living room, and grieving.

5. My daughter and I went to see Mary Poppins at the Cadillac Palace Theatre in Chicago. It was amazing, and I highly recommend it to children and adults alike. The singing, dancing and special effects are spectacular, and overall, it seems to have more substance and heart than the movie. Go if you can! (It will be playing until July 12.)

6. My son and I went to Borders and browsed. I bought him a Creme Caramel Javakula (a coffee drink with a name that’s almost too silly sounding to type…) and a CD by his favorite bass player, Victor Wooten. (Check him out here. He’s truly amazing.) We sipped and jammed all the way home in the car.

But getting back to this morning:

Before getting the kids back to school and heading back to work, I was temporarily paralyzed by the realization that I had accomplished nothing on my nonexistent list. Then, galvanized by guilt and panic, I leaped into action.

*I wrestled the 18 wrinkled dress shirts into the kitchen and told my husband to pick one, which I custom-ironed while he waited. (Ironing? Check! And really, what’s better than a crisp shirt, hot and fresh from the ironing board?)

*I dumped all of the old mail onto the kitchen table and furiously sifted through it to find the Top Five Most Ominously Overdue Bills. I quickly wrote out checks to cover them, and stuffed them into envelopes, vowing to go buy stamps over lunch. (Household finance? Check!)

*I herded the sleepy dog outside and brushed him with a lightning-fast enthusiasm that resulted in a storm of fur gently wafting into the sky before coming back down to land in my hair and mouth. I tossed him a heartworm pill, and moved on. (Dog care? Check!)

*Cupboards and closets? (Well, I mostly kept up with washing the dishes over the break, which is technically cleaning, so….check!)

*Work out? (Well, I was breathless by then, so….check!)

*Update blog? (TOTALLY CHECKING!!!!)

*Quality time with the kids? (You know what? I wouldn’t change a thing.)

Check.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 30th, 2009 at 1:25 pm and is filed under parent. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.