I’ve been stressed lately, because I’ve been pulled in a million different directions. It seems that I keep having to make choices between one activity and another. Everyone has been requesting my presence or my help or input, more so lately than usual. It’s quite flattering, but I can only do so much, and when I say “yes” to one thing, that means I have to say “no” to the other, in turn potentially disappointing and/or inconveniencing the people associated with it.
I’m a people-pleaser. I don’t do so well with the disappointing and the inconveniencing. But what other choice do I have?
And of course, the one person who is affected most by these decisions is Isabella. Because whenever I’m spending time away from home, she is carted to my parents’ or my uncle’s, or she has to endure a five-hour drive to her dad’s house.
I feel like—as a never-been-married, twentysomething single mom—I’m caught between two worlds: the World of the Young and Sociable, and the World of the Settled and Satisfied. I’m a mom, and Isabella is my family, yet I can’t put myself in the same category as women with a husband and 2.5 kids. In many ways, I’m still a kid myself: I still solicit help from my parents and I still hang out with my friends every weekend (many times I can bring Isabella with me). On the other hand, I often turn down offers to hang out with my non-parent peers because Isabella ultimately comes first.
I’ve struggled with this dichotomy for a long time. I feel like less of a mom when I have to be away from Isabella. Like a REAL MOM wouldn’t be involved in so many other things and would be content staying home with their child. But at the same time, I know that I need to have friendships in order to establish a support system. I know that sometimes I need to put work first because I’m the only one providing income for our household. I know I need to date so that I’m not single forever. I have to look at my “me time” as an investment into our future. And our present, really.
But I also know there’s a line. And that’s where it gets difficult: finding a healthy balance between home life and social life—and accepting that said social life might a little more active than most moms’. I must say, though, that I’m looking forward to the day when staying home with hubby and the chillins is all that’s on my agenda.
