Stage cotton candy

You can't attend a Broadway play like "LEGENDS!" starring a pair of reunited divas Linda Evans and Joan Collins and not at least crack a smile or let out a chuckle or two.

These two actresses made cat fights and slaps on television a trademark of 1980s primetime soaps. So, of course it's fun to see both of these be-wigged beauties involved in another bout of bitchery nearly two decades later.

But other than the two headlining stars, there's little else likeable about the less-than-legendary "LEGENDS!"

I attended Thursday's press opening for this play, which continues until March 4 at LaSalle Bank Theatre in Chicago.

I now understand why I hadn't heard of this show, which apparently has been around since it originally premiered in the 1980s with theater icons Mary Martin and Carol Channing playing the leads.

But because Evans and Collins are friends off-stage when the cameras aren't rolling, I'm guessing this production must be just a fun romp for the two while making a few dollars on the side? I say this because "LEGENDS!" is the stage equivalent of cotton candy.

It's OK to attend this show if you're simply eager to see Evans and Collins in action in the arena of live theater. But if you're expecting great theater at its finest, this isn't the place to be.

There's awful sound effects and off-stage phony, pre-recorded dialogue delivered via lousy sound engineering.

This revitalized "LEGENDS!" (which is still set in 1984), was written by Tony Award winning author James Kirkwood of "A Chorus Line" fame.

It's the story of two fading, glamorous and "somewhat desperate" movie stars, Sylvia, played by Collins, and Leatrice, played by Evans.

Both actresses are courted by an unscrupulous young producer (over-played by actor Martin Klemmer) to star together in a new Broadway show, despite the fact they have hated each other for decades. He convinces both to go along with the idea by misleading them into believing they will be starring alongside Paul Newman.

As for the rest of the story, that's about it, except for a wacky stereotypical black maid and a stripper and a cop (I'm still not sure why he was even included in this story mix) thrown in for brief moments of over-exaggerated comic relief. Often, it just seemed like the cast had little to do in between the shallow banter.

If you don't mind shelling out the cash and you're up for a night of silly premise and story plot, go see a couple of great ladies from the days of "Dynasty" who could do better than this with future projects.

Otherwise, you know what not to do ...

Tickets are $20 to $75 at (312) 902-1400 or www.broadwayinchicago.com or www.legendsthecomedy.com

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer. He can be reached at ppotempa@nwitimes.com or 219.852.4327.

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