Money and emotions don't mix well. A bad day or argument with a spouse has caused many a person to drop a wad of cash at the mall, much the same way black moods drive us headfirst into a gallon of ice cream.

But stress isn't the only trigger. Sometimes we spend if we feel we deserve a treat or if we're buoyed by the prospect of a fun outing and just have to have a new outfit.

In our pre-recession society of excess, we grew accustomed to instant gratification. It's a hard habit to shake.

"Anybody is going to do something they found rewarding in the past," said Karl Nelson, assistant psychology professor at Gary's Indiana University Northwest. "It's based on your learning history.

"Even valuing money is a learned behavior. Money itself has no value. What's the value of money on a desert island?"

Humans find control "very rewarding," Nelson explained. Purchasing something gives them control, even if just for a few moments.

"We're not built to take long-term consequences into account. Investing -- does it feel good in the short term? No."

People can get poor spending habits in check, though. Rather than concentrating on giving something up, focus on what you want to change, Nelson advised.

"This can take three to nine months, and you're going to relapse along the way," Nelson warned. Have an alternative behavior ready. If you spend when stressed, try exercising or repetitive prayer instead of heading to the ATM.

"Practice this multiple times, even when you don't need it," he said.

Conventional financial wisdom advises keeping emotions in check when spending money. Forget that, financial expert Julie Murphy Casserly said.

The Chicago-based certified financial planner, of ChicagoHealers.com, recommends embracing your emotional makeup when making budgeting and investing decisions.

The key, she said, is to find out what really drives you.

"(Anyone) can have the life that they desire," Casserly said. "I believe 100 percent that our emotional makeup affects how we spend money. To properly manage your portfolio, you have to remove emotion, but no one does.

"Don't try to deny it. Recognize your emotional behavior (towards money) and build a support system. Focus on your goals, dreams and desires at this point in your life." Her model is the "life savings wheel," in which a person's "passion" sits in the center while the outside consists of four circles: financial, work, personal and family. One of those circles also gets moved to the center.

For instance, if you're the family provider but in a career you hate, "what is your biggest pain point?" she asked. "Dig into the components. What do you like to have? Sometimes, people don't know how to bridge over to their desires. It may take two to three years." She sorts people into five categories: poor, debtors, dreamers, accumulators and rich but empty.

"Dreamers create a savings account for their goal," she explained. "If you're poor or a debtor, you must do something differently." When people tell her they have no extra money to save, she asks, "You don't have $5?" If you get a raise, use some to pay bills and put some away.

"You must be addressing the compelling reasons to change and do it in small chunks," she said. "You also need money for your dreams right now. When you pay off a debt, use that amount as a reward. Take a mini-vacation weekend.

Reinforce those good feelings about money." Then, decide on your new financial objectives.

Find out what "crabs are in your bucket," Casserly said. What, or who, pulls you back in the bucket when you try to climb out? "Who's the biggest crab in your life?" she asked. "Stop talking to them." Her philosophy is spelled out in her book "The Emotion Behind Money," published last year.

Casserly believes if more people had followed her strategy, the country wouldn't be in its present financial crisis.

"Unfortunately, I don't think it hurts enough," she said of the economy. "I think there are more lessons yet. It's about being real with yourself. We have to be in right relationship with our money. When you're paying for past choices, you're not able to live the life you want in the present moment." Any financial lessons learned are defunct by the time they hit the fourth generation, she said. If you start with the Great Depression, we are in that fourth generation.

"You must believe you can have a different financial reality," she said. "This will work for everybody. We've become victims to our money. It's about gaining our personal power back. Don't wait for the government. My mission is to financially heal America."