Do you often feel guilty? So often I have heard my clients say, "If I don't do, I will feel guilty."

Is that you? Do you walk around with a cloud of guilt over your head? You are not alone.

Is guilt a good thing? What if we never felt guilty? Would we then not have a conscience? I like to distinguish healthy guilt or having a conscience to unhealthy guilt. There is a distinct difference.

Healthy guilt serves a purpose. If I hurt your feelings, either knowingly or unknowingly and I feel guilty, then I'm accountable for my actions. If I feel guilty, hopefully, I will apologize to you. I will try to right a wrong. Also, if I do something, which is against my value system, I will then feel guilty.

The guilt is a healthy guilt because then I will examine my actions. For example, if I value honesty, and I tell a lie, knowingly tell a lie, I will feel guilty. Guilt should move us into action. Our action should correct our behavior.

If I never felt guilty, I would never examine my actions. I would do whatever I felt like doing at that moment. And I would justify my actions. People who do that are called sociopaths. Our prisons are full of them. They can rob, steal, even murder and justify their actions in their own minds. Thankfully, most of us are not in that category.

More of us fall into the category of feeling guilty when we don't need to feel guilt. When we are asked to do something, and we want to respond with "no," we then feel guilty. Why do we feel the guilt?

There are several reasons. Perhaps, first and foremost, we want to please others. We think, "If I say no, will that person still like me."

We may also think, "If I don't do this, who will?"

We become overly responsible. We think the world depends on us. It doesn't. And if we really don't want to do something, and we say yes to it, we will do it resentfully. Who are we helping if we do something out of resentment? And finally, we might want to think of ourselves as a person who always helps out, who is always there for others.

But then we become tired and drained and have no energy left for ourselves.

What is the answer? First, ask yourself, "Do I really want to do this?" If the answer is an emphatic no, then don't do it. And you don't have to offer explanations either.

Alfred Adler, the founder of Adlerian Psychology summed it up best. He said, "Guilt is the misery we impose on ourselves, when we don't do what we didn't want to do in the first place."

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer. Dr. Myrna Sarowitz is a professionally trained life coach. She has her private practice in Schererville and is a licensed clinical psychologist who is retired. She can be reached at livingyourjoy@sbcglobal.net.