The term "acceptance" is rarely used in our everyday lives. I first heard the phrase at 12-step meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous, the Granddaddy of all of the 12-step programs, put it into words beautifully.

On page 449 of the AA Big Book it states, "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

What a concept! It is exactly the opposite of the way most of us live our lives. We want to change others, our spouses, our bosses, our parents, or other family members. We want them to behave in such a way as to make our lives easier. We think we have the answers to other's lives. We are so sure that if only they would take our advice their lives would be better.

Even if we are right, and other's lives would be better if they took our advice, they rarely listen to us. They rarely listen because they haven't asked our opinions.

We obsess over other's problems because then we don't have to think about our problems and ourselves. The fact is that you and I cannot change another person. We are powerless to do that. We may have some influence but each person is responsible for himself or herself. And there are so many other things we cannot change. We cannot change the weather. We cannot change our height, (we may have some control over our weight.) The sun will rise each morning and set each night. The seasons will come and go. Luckily, we are not in charge of any of that.

So what can we change? It's so simple. We can only change ourselves. But it's not easy to look at yourself. It's not easy to look at our defects. Sometimes it's not easy to look at our assets. But life is so much simpler and more satisfying when we concentrate on what we really can change.

And the fact is that what we resist, persists. Life is a dichotomy in that way. When we fight something in our lives it's likely it will persist.

Does acceptance mean that I have to like everything and everyone?

No. Does acceptance mean that I'm passive and don't take action when I can? No.

Acceptance means changing what you can and letting go of the rest.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer. Dr. Myrna Sarowitz is a professionally trained life coach. She has her private practice in Schererville and is a licensed clinical psychologist who is retired. She can be reached at livingyourjoy@sbcglobal.net.