How many times have we heard this statement, "I'm only telling you this for your own good." Then the person proceeds to tell us something we didn't really want to hear. Maybe it was "You really need to lose weight. I'm telling you this because I care about your health." Or maybe we hear "You really need to get organized, this place is a mess!"

The trouble is that we all know how we need to improve. Telling us what we already know isn't helpful and it can be hurtful. This is especially true if the "advice" was unsolicited. And "advice" often is not asked for but we think we know what is best for the other person.

The real reason we give unsolicited advice is that we want to change that person. We think that person's behavior reflects on us in some way. This is particularly true if the person we are trying to "improve" is our spouse or another close family member. After all if our spouse loses weight, then we can be proud to be with them. But does this give us the right to correct their behavior? Now here's the fascinating aspect of criticizing others. When I criticize others I'm harming myself. We actually have scientific evidence of this now.

When I am critical I create the stress hormones in my body. The stress hormones are cortisone. norepinephrine, etc. and we create them ourselves.

People who are constantly critical are also hostile people. We know that carrying around hostility is one of the factors that can cause heart attacks.

The book I'm reading now is entitled, "Who Gets Sick" by Blair Justice, Ph.D.

The subtitle is "How Beliefs, Moods, and Thoughts Affect Your Health." A quote from the book says this, "The evidence indicates that when we chronically generate stress hormones -- we run the risk of compromising our body's abilities to fight illness."

We actually decrease our own antibodies when we feel stressed.

The good news is that we can change that.

We can look for the good in others instead of telling them how they need to "improve." We can create more of the positive hormones -- like serotonin -- all by ourselves.

We know that doing an act of kindness increases our serotonin.

Even being a witness to an act of kindness increases our serotonin.

For today, think of how you can tell someone what you like about them instead of criticizing them. Your serotonin will go up!

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer. Dr. Myrna Sarowitz is a professionally trained life coach. With a private practice in Schererville, she also is a licensed clinical psychologist. She can be reached at livingyourjoy@sbcglobal.net.