WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP | Many fire departments in the region use an EDITH (Exit Drills In The Home) house to teach kids what to do in a house fire. But what should they do when a hurricane hits?

OK, we might not get a lot of hurricanes here, but the EDITH house used by the South Haven Fire Department also is equipped to do tornadoes. Parents should take the kids through it during these last days of the Porter County Fair because it's a little scary, it's educational, it's a lot less nauseating than the Gyro and it's free.

Greg Leech, who's with the Morgan Township Volunteer Fire Department, told me about South Haven's trailer being set up at the fair (just to the right of the main gate) and used his considerable influence with his brother firefighters to get me a tour.

SHFD Capt. Ron Brehmer provided a tour for me and another fair visitor. We sat on a small grandstand at one end of the trailer and watched a video while we got the full tornado alert treatment in surround sound and other special effects.

(You know it's realistic because we're talking a tornado and a trailer, the tornadoes' main diet.)

The video starts with Regis Philbin asking a contestant on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" which country is totally landlocked inside another country. Before you get the answer, the program is interrupted by one of those crimson crawlers at the bottom of the screen and then by a special news report of a tornado in the area.

As the news anchor is giving information about the direction and severity of the tornado and the proper precautions to take (If you're in a trailer, there are no precautions you can take unless you are the world's fastest basement digger.), the picture goes out. That's so typical of satellite TV.

"What do you do now?" Brehmer asked. Oddly, switch to cable or "change your underwear" were not among the choices, but I suspect the latter is the main reason experts often recommend the bathroom as the place to be in homes without basements. For Brehmer it was his cue to plug the value of having a battery-powered weather radio.

By now the window blinds are rattling, "lightning" is flashing outside and you can hear the tornado/terrorist/terrorist tornado alert siren wailing in the distance. (Brehmer admitted most people inside their homes probably wouldn't hear the siren unless it was in their living room.)

The sound of the wind quickly increased until it was roaring in familiar freight train fashion and I was yelling "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!" Then the trailer started shaking, and suddenly clean underwear didn't seem all that important.

It all ends happily, of course, with plenty of good advice for kids and their parents. Brehmer said whenever South Haven gets a warning, everyone on the department gathers up their family and goes where they know it's safe. The fire station. Hopefully, not in the bathroom.

The opinions are those of the writer. He can be reached clicking his heels together and saying "There's no place like home" at pwieland@nwitimes.com or (219) 548-4352.